why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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