dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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