we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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