she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize