I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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