That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
