what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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