Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
we should paint friendship bongs
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