that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize