I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My vagina is officially offended.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Who died my cat blue again?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
