So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
