i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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