i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
