it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
