my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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