I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
