I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
