bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
