Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
