he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
