HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
