better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
