ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
