you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
