dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
