If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
