Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
