How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
