Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
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Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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