I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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