WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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