I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
