So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Found your dick twin last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
