you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
