I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
