I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
