Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
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I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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