Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
