Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
