I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize