Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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