she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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