I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
