i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
