You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
