Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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