if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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