I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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