I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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