Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am available for nakedness
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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