How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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