Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
