did you get engaged???
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
