Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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