i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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