so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
