Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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