I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We talked him into tasing himself.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
