Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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