Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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