i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
foreskin is a definite game changer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
