Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
