Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
