i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
