So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
