There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
