i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
