i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
