his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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