after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
