We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
