Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
