At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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