I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
