I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
