I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
