i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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