I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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