I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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