bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
