Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
