I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
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It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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